The Response Since Coming Forward
For close to five months I have prayed, waited, watched, listened, and grieved after bringing the truth of my abuse to Crossroads Baptist Church in Valdosta, GA. I gave Ross every opportunity to tell the truth, and instead he has chosen to go from one body of believers to another as he slanders me, my entire family, and other witnesses involved in the investigations that took place.
In the beginning, a friend of ours who had been walking through this season with us for months, offered to reach out to his friend Garrett Grubbs, the senior pastor at Crossroads, to inform him as a fellow pastor to receive the letter and take action. My husband then sent my letter to him the morning Garrett spoke to our friend, September 2nd, with the request and expectation of a meeting with us after he read it. Garrett and Crossroads executive pastor, Mark Avery, called our friend back instead of speaking with us, and after reading the letter they stated that they would be "handing over the letter to the authorities." Garrett also said that Mark would be the one running point on the situation at Crossroads due to how close Garrett and Ross were. They would not speak with us at all, and that saddened me, but I tried to understand as to why they might decide to wait to speak with us for the sake of due process.
5 days go by and we had heard no update on basic information that we needed to know, so our friend reached back out to Garrett to ask for that information. We had basic questions about what police department they went to, the process taking place, and what to expect. Garrett stated that if the investigation was closed legally that they would be hiring a third party investigator. He also mentioned an organization called Ministry Safe. He said he was familiar with them as a third party investigation entity in situations like this, and had mentioned he had some knowledge on how to handle this from his previous church, Sherwood in Albany, GA. We looked up Ministry Safe and felt like they were a true third party entity, and after reading their advised process for the church in responding to sexual abuse victims, I was hopeful about being their hands. Garrett had also mentioned that the third party investigation could not take place at the same time as a legal investigation because the third party one would interfere with the legal one. We waited again...thinking we would be contacted by the authorities unless we were told otherwise by Crossroads. I expected to hear an update from Crossroads on what the authorities said if they chose not to investigate. I also expected to be told about the process that would take place by Ministry Safe and Crossroads after the legal investigation was closed. I waited, and expected to hear from either the authorities, Crossroads, or Ministry Safe.
A couple of weeks go by and we are waiting to be contacted by the authorities. Instead, we receive an email from a Valdosta area defense lawyer stating that he had been hired by Crossroads to investigate the letter. I was immediately confused. That same week we were informed by one of the men who disciples Joseph, that Ross had hired his own lawyer as well. The man who disciples Joseph knew this because he also happens to disciple the lawyer Ross hired. The lawyer, Joseph, and the man who discipled them thought it wasn't ironic that God had crossed all of their paths in this process. We would not have ever known that Ross hired his own lawyer without God choosing to cross their paths. I think God used this to prepare our hearts for Ross's lies and denial. I prayed that Ross would not put everyone through an investigation and confess, but when he hired a lawyer I assumed he was probably lying. No one from the church would speak with us and I did not feel safe or informed on what was happening.
Joseph and I sought counsel, and even though I did not seek to hire a lawyer in the beginning, I started to feel unprotected and confused with the church and Ross hiring lawyers themselves. Hiring lawyers along with no communication to us encouraged us to seek our own legal opinion. We decided to start seeking a legal opinion from many lawyers who represent victims of abuse in the church. One of them was Boz Tchividjian—former assistant state attorney in FL where he created the first Sex Crimes Division at the office of the State Attorney and served as Division Chief. He is the founder of GRACE (Godly Response to Abuse in the Christian environment), an experienced litigator who has worked for 3 decades on behalf of victims of abuse, and we found out after retaining him that he is also the late Dr. Billy Graham’s grandson. He was so kind and was the first one to respond to Joseph and I after submitting legal opinions to multiple law firms. After hearing about how things had been handed so far, he was eager to set up an intake interview for us with his intake specialist.
We felt again like God had clearly led us specifically to where we needed to go, and that was to Boz. Not only was Boz eager to care for us, but his intake specialist was as well. Her name is Lori Thompson. After an hour long interview and conversation with us, she shared her advice as someone who has been through this as a victim of abuse as well. We didn't know until after our conversation with her, that not only was Lori a victim of abuse in the church, she was the first victim who was abused by Ravi Zacharius to come forward. Boz represented her during that time in her life, and she was not believed for years. Ravi denied what he did to her, and hardly anyone believed her until years after Ravi died when countless other victims came forward. She went through this process on a global scale, and encouraged me by saying she would never take it back even though she was persecuted immensely all over the world. Boz has been more than a lawyer—he has been a brother, friend, and some days our biggest advocate we had in getting through this time of grief. Lori has been a beacon of hope for us, and we are forever grateful to God for sending us both of them.
Boz also represented Katie Roberts, who was abused by Dr. Art Azurdia. Joseph had some of Art and Ravi's books and we were so grieved and heartbroken as we talked with Lori and Katie. The amount of deceit in the church, from leaders you would never think could be capable of abuse, is immeasurable. Church, you need to be alert and aware that this happens everywhere. Pray for wisdom as you examine faith leaders you're following and as you trust them to lead you. Know your Bible, and pray for the Holy Spirit to give you discernment. Boz encouraged me to reach out to Katie as we started walking through the process of going public. She was so courageous to share her story online, after Art got back into a leadership position in the church, to make sure his abuse was on record in the hopes of him never abusing another woman again. She has been a huge encouragement to me, and we are so grateful that God blessed us with her to walk through this time with as well.
I also want to clear up disgusting gossip I have recently heard. Never once was I motivated to hire a lawyer to receive a penny from the church or from Ross. A rumor has been spread that we sued the church and received a settlement. Never once have myself, my lawyer, the church’s lawyer, or Crossroads discussed suing, settlements, or any other kind of words to do with such things throughout the investigation process. My desire in coming forward was simple…for the truth to be in the light and for the truth to bring healing. My desire in hiring Boz was out of response to Crossroads and Ross hiring their own lawyers and feeling unprotected with no communication. It is extremely intimidating for a victim to call out their abuser especially when he is someone so trusted and has so much power and influence.
After speaking with Boz, he informed us about the tragedy that often happens to victims by the church when they come forward, and walked us through the due process that needed to take place. He responded back to their lawyer on our behalf with the requests/conditions as follows:
“I hope this note finds you well. I have been retained by Joseph and Kayla Nations to assist them as they navigate through the post-disclosure process in relation to the sexual abuse perpetrated upon Kayla by Ross Cook in his capacity as a pastor with Crossroads Baptist Church.
To be honest, my clients are understandably skeptical of an internal investigation commissioned by Crossroads Baptist Church due to the fact that Ross Cook is a long time employee who is a close personal friend of Senior Pastor, Garrett Grubbs. At the very least, this points to a perceived conflict of interest. Furthermore, in all due respect, we are also concerned that you are a defense lawyer who represents churches. I hope you can understand my client’s concerns with agreeing to participate or provide further information as part of an internal investigation that is being conducted by a management defense attorney. As Ms. Nations has reported being sexually victimized by a long term pastor of Crossroads Baptist Church, any investigation into her allegations must make her feel safe and she must have the utmost confidence in the process. Ms. Nations could possibly consider participating and/or providing further information if she is convinced that this is a truly independent, transparent, and trustworthy investigation that focuses on her disclosure of being sexually victimized by Ross Cook and any knowledge Crossroads Baptist Church may have had regarding such abuse prior to receiving the statement from Ms. Nations earlier this month. In order to be truly independent and transparent, the following conditions must be met before she will consider participating in this process:
-Independence. The investigation must be conducted by a reputable, qualified, third party entity and the independent investigation agreement must explicitly waive any fiduciary relationship between the investigator and Crossroads Baptist Church. Furthermore, my client must be able to review the executed independent investigation agreement between Crossroads Baptist Church and the investigative entity.
-Witness Interviews. The investigative entity will agree to not release the contents of my client’s investigation interview (or any further documentation provided by my client) to any party, including but not limited to, Crossroads Baptist Church. The investigative firm will agree to only disclose the contents of my client’s interview (or portions thereof) within the final report. The investigative firm will agree to provide our clients with a full and complete transcript of her interview. Lastly, our clients will be allowed to bring legal counsel with them to any interviews.
-Communications. The congregation of Crossroads Baptist Church must be notified about this investigation and encouraged to bring forth any relevant information to the investigative firm.
-Final Report. Our clients shall receive a full and complete copy of the final report. Furthermore, no one (including but not limited to, Crossroads Baptist Church, or any of their agents, associates, or representatives shall receive or review any drafts (or portions thereof) of the final report prior to it being finalized and delivered to my clients. The final report shall not be confidential and shall be made available to the public.
I believe that all parties associated with this matter would benefit from a truly independent and credible investigation. Such a process has the greatest opportunity of bringing truth to light. I look forward to your response to the above. Thanks. Also, can you tell me whether Mr. Cook is still acting in his capacity as the NexGen/Outreach Pastor at Crossroads Baptist Church? Does the church intend to place him on administrative leave pending the outcome of an independent investigation? Finally, our clients were informed that the church had reported these crimes to local law enforcement. However, as of this morning neither the Valdosta Police Department or the Lowndes County Sheriff’s Office have any record of such a report. Can you please check with your client on this matter and get back with me as Ms. Nations intends to file her own complaint if one has not already been made. Much thanks for your attention and professionalism. I look forward to working with you.”
After this email was sent, their lawyer responded that he would circle back to Boz at the end of the week. Boz also told me to call the police departments to see if Crossroads ever actually filed a report and to ask for the case number. When our friend spoke to Garrett days after they said they went to the authorities, Garrett led us all to believe that they had filed a report when they went. I called the LCSO and they said they had no report or record of Crossroads ever being there. I called the VPD and received the same response. I called the LCSO again and left a message for the Captain. The Captain called me back and said that Crossroads did take the letter there on Friday, September 3rd, but that it was up to me as the victim to file my own report. He told me there was no report or case number and then said “Yes, they came but it’s up to you to file your own report. If that’s what you wanna do then that’s what we’ll do. Would you like to do that?” I tearfully said “Yes.” I was shocked that Garrett knew this when he talked to our friend days after going to the LCSO, and intentionally kept that information from us. He was vague on purpose. Why? The captain responded with “Alright well I’ll have an investigator contact you tomorrow. Have a good night." It was clear in the way that he spoke to me that he was annoyed with me, and I was equally in tears due to the fact that the abuse of a minor was annoying for him to talk about. I was shocked that no report had been made, that the LCSO didn't encourage them or me to file a report, that they all dismissed me, and that Crossroads also intentionally held that information from me about needing to file my own report. I was shocked that I had been dismissed by the Captain at the LCSO. How could a woman filing a report about abuse she experienced as a child be annoying for the Captain at the LCSO? I was devastated. We also found out from Boz on the same day that this conversation happened, that the lawyer Crossroads hired also represents the LCSO on civil matters. It was ironic how they were actually all connected.
I never did receive a call from an investigator the next day like the Captain said I would. It was actually a week and a half later. When we got off the phone I felt unsafe with the LCSO, so I reached back out to the VPD that evening and remembered a kind, female detective that had spoken with me when I called them the first time. She answered her line and I told her what had taken place between Crossroads and the LCSO. I asked her for her knowledge on what the Captain had told me. Could Crossroads and should Crossroads have filed their own report regarding what happened to me in the letter? Should the LCSO have encouraged them to file a report, and should they have reached out to me to file my own report after hearing about my abuse as a minor? She said that Crossroads could have filed their own report and that if that letter would have come to her and the VPD that she would have encouraged them to do so. She also said she would have taken the letter seriously at the VPD and investigated it herself as well. She would not have dismissed it. She took me very seriously and then told me exactly how to file a report with the VPD. She gave me their dispatch number and told me to tell the officer who answered that she had sent me and what to tell him. She then told me to send her the letter to her personal email. I followed everything she told me to do. The officer that answered with the VPD was kind and told me I was in great hands with her. He even had to hang up with me to call her for information because he said that this was such severe case and report and he needed a supervisor’s help. He called right back and said she was at home reading the letter during her off time because that’s the kind of detective and person she is. I finally felt safe again and she assured me that she would do everything she could to get to the bottom of this legally. After following all of her steps to file a report and open an investigation, I realized that the LCSO could have done the same thing when I told the Captain I wanted to file my own report. Why didn't he tell me the same steps and how to file a report? It was like night and day comparing the LCSO and the VPD in how they responded to me.
Whenever there is a legal investigation taking place of abuse in the church it is wise for the church to wait and pause on their own investigation because it usually interferes with the legal one. After receiving the email from Boz, Crossroads lawyer did not “circle back later that week.” He completely ignored us and every question/condition we asked for. Instead he continued his investigation by calling my father and interviewing him on Friday. When we found out that my father was interviewed, Boz emailed that day as follows:
“I’m writing to circle back as I have not heard back from you and it’s the end of the week. Also, I would have hoped that out of respect for Kayla you would not have reached out to family members until we have at least received a response relating to her concerns and requests outlined in my initial email. I anticipate hearing from you soon. Have a good weekend.”
No response was given and on Saturday a friend and her parents, as witnesses in my letter, were contacted for interviews. My friend was also told by the lawyer that we were not cooperating with the investigation and she felt he was very unprofessional. He also called my father again on the following Monday to speak with my mother. She would not speak with him until he responded to our requests. He finally responded to Boz by saying he was “confident in his own objective and independent judgement in this matter.” He vaguely answered a few basic questions. He informed us that Ross had been put on administrative leave since receiving the letter and that a copy of the letter was given to the LCSO. Again, I was ignored and bypassed and he gave nothing more than that.
Boz’s response to him on Tuesday, September 28th, was as follows:
“Thanks for getting back to me. To be frank, it is not your confidence in your own “objective and independent judgment” that is relevant here. What is relevant is the confidence of the victim in the objective and independent nature of this reported investigation. The fact that neither you or Crossroads seem to grasp that only confirms our concerns outlined in my initial email. On September 21st, I emailed you on behalf of Kayla and Joseph Nations communicating very specific concerns we have about this process as well as outlining specific conditions by which my clients would gain confidence in the process and consider participating in it.To this day, neither you or Crossroads has provided any substantive response to those reasonable conditions. Instead, the response seems to be that since you are confident in your own ability to be objective and independent, than somehow Kayla and Joseph should be as well. Whether you realize it or not, such a response is profoundly dismissive to a young woman who has bravely stepped forward to disclose an extremely troubling and deeply painful matter. I cannot fathom that is how Crossroads Baptist Church wants to be known regarding how it responds to reported victims of sexual abuse by one of its own pastors. If so, than Crossroads is not a safe place for abuse survivors or other vulnerable people. How deeply tragic. Lastly, your response to my inquiry as to whether a report was made to the Lowndes County Sheriff’s office was simply that my client’s writing was provided to them. That does not tell me if a formal “report” was made or if an investigation has been opened. In light of that, my client will be reporting these crimes directly to the LCSO.”
The lawyer did not respond. On Friday, October 1st, Boz sent this email as follows:
“It has been increasingly clear to us that you nor Crossroads Baptist Church have any intention to cooperate with Kayla in addressing the very reasonable concerns we raised in our email dated September 21, 2021. Also, it has come to our attention that you are communicating to others that my clients are not cooperating with your “investigation”. If so, please refrain from any such misleading communications unless you also provide those same persons a copy of the above-referenced email. Lastly, at this point my clients are focused solely upon cooperating with the open criminal investigation. Any assistance with your “investigation” will have to wait until the completion of the criminal investigation and will be subject to whether or not we are able to resolve the concerns we have raised. As a former prosecutor, I can say without hesitation that it is not appropriate or helpful to the authorities to run a parallel non-criminal investigation at the same time law enforcement is conducting a criminal investigation into the same matter. We would request that Crossroads suspend any “investigation” until the criminal investigation is completed.”
We found out on Sunday, October 3rd, in an email sent out by Crossroads that on Thursday, September 30th, their lawyer handed over his investigative report and Ross was fired. My parents were still on the email list at Crossroads as members, and received the church’s statement regarding Ross Cook’s firing. That was how we found out. We received no phone call or communication from Crossroads before the entire congregation was informed. Still, we had heard nothing from them. Only my father, and 3 other witnesses out of the 11 in my letter, were interviewed by their lawyer along with whoever else he interviewed from Crossroads. The rest of my witnesses were not interviewed because Crossroads and their lawyer chose to never respond to my requests and concerns, and instead they chose to quickly wrap up their investigation and fire Ross with the little amount of information and witness accounts that they had. I never received the report or any other details regarding the investigation that they did. The letter that Crossroads sent to their congregation is as follows:
“Crossroads Family, We have a difficult employment situation that was addressed this morning after our second service. While it is not easy, we feel it is important that we address this issue head-on so that we can better communicate as a church family. As of last Thursday, Ross Cook is no longer employed by Crossroads as our Youth and Outreach Pastor. We received a written complaint about his behavior toward one of our members that occurred between 10 and 15 years ago. The nature of the complaint was such that we sought legal counsel, advised our insurance companies (both those that were covering us then and now), and provided a copy of the complaint to the sheriff’s office. Additionally, we suspended Ross with pay for the duration of the investigation. Finally, we hired a capable local lawyer to conduct an investigation to see if there was merit to the complaint. The investigator interviewed Ross, several current and former employees, and other witnesses from the timeframe of the complaint. Throughout the investigation period and to this day, Ross denies the allegations made against him. The sheriff’s office initially reviewed the written complaint and determined that even if everything alleged was true, it would not rise to the level of a prosecutable crime. However, that is not the standard for pastors at Crossroads. On Thursday Evening, our investigator provided his report to the Personnel Oversight Team, Pastor Garrett, and Pastor Mark. There was sufficient corroborating information to allow them to determine that at least some of the alleged behavior was accurate. They unanimously concurred that Ross would no longer be able to function here as a pastor and his employment was terminated. Ross was informed that night. As the church, we are committed to providing counseling and spiritual care to those affected by this situation. We are committed to doing what is right. We are committed to pursuing the highest moral and ethical standards in employee conduct, staff hiring, and volunteer selection. We believe that even this circumstance can be redeemed for good; we see this as an opportunity to emphasize the call of the church to be a lighthouse of God’s redemptive work for all people.If you believe you have additional information that would be relevant to this issue, we encourage you to reach out to Pastor Mark. Pastor Garrett and our pastoral staff are committed to leading our church through this time and to the mission that God has called each one of us to. Please be in prayer for all those involved. May God bless you.”
I was not contacted by Crossroads Baptist Church after they received the investigative report, when they saw the truth and decided to fire Ross or before they announced his firing to their congregation, and it took over a month after firing Ross before I finally received an email from them. They were given advice from their lawyer not to speak with me and not to put any detail about what Ross did in their statement to the church due to fear of being sued. However, Joseph and I, my lawyer Boz, and other pastors do not agree with that legal advice. We believe it was imperative for the church congregation to know basic important details for the sake of possible other victims, current or future. Here are my issues with the statement given by Crossroads:
“A difficult employment situation”. How about saying Ross Cook groomed, abused, and sexually victimized a child and that child and family have been put in an unimaginable and difficult situation? Off the bat, that seemed like sympathy for the abuser.
”Better communicate as a church family.” This would have been great if they had communicated with me and my family first. We were ignored like we didn't matter.
“Complaint.” It was not a written complaint. That is making light of the letter I sent. It was a 17 page letter detailing my abuse between the ages of 14 and 19.
There was no mention of a minor. Only a “member.” This is a crucial and dire detail to leave out. The first reasoning for this is that biblically, with church discipline, a pastor who abuses should be publicly put on record for that abuse...especially when that abuse involves a child. This is so that members, families, and students of the congregation are made aware in the case that there are other victims. When a pastor is exposed as a predator of a child, and remained in a position where he worked with children for around 15 years, there is a huge probability that there are other victims. If there are, they need to feel safe to come forward. Grooming is something that minors cannot usually see and understand. If anyone else was groomed or in the process of being groomed they probably don’t know it and parents along with students need to know.
“Throughout the investigation period and to this day, Ross denies the allegations made against him.” At this point, they have already proven he is lying by the few witnesses they did interview and the report they were given. If he was telling the truth they would not have fired him. They also would have not been able to fire Ross out of the fact that he could sue them for wrongful termination. Their lawyer told my father that one of the reasons he was hired by Crossroads was to help give them legal advice on the employee/employer relationship. Why was it important for them to state that he denied everything? It doesn’t matter. He did what he did. The truth spoke for itself, he was fired, and a child was abused.
The need for them to state that the LCSO said “that even if everything alleged was true, it would not rise to the level of a prosecutable crime.” At this point in time, their lawyer was aware that a criminal investigation was ongoing. That had not been determined yet. What he did to me was a crime—prosecutable or not. Yes, it has been 10 years, but the crime happened and I wish I could have understood it 10 years ago so that I could have taken legal action. Whether 10 years had gone by or if the abuse happened yesterday, it happened. Just because someone isn't prosecuted for different reasons by the law, doesn't mean what they did isn't evil and true. This still took place and happened before Christ. Again—I felt diminished.
“At least some of the behavior was accurate.” Every word and every witness was accurate. Not all of them were interviewed due to the fact that we were not given the investigation we deserved.
There was no mention of grooming or abuse of any kind. Only “behavior.” This was intentionally vague and diminishing. This congregation needs to know the truth, and I deserved to be cared for.
“We are committed to providing counseling and spiritual care to those affected by this situation.” This is good for the congregation, but they forgot about the one they should have cared for the most—the victim and the victim’s family. Boz said something to me that still sticks with me to this day. He said the way that Crossroads has responded was like if one of their pastors intentionally hit a child with their car in the church parking lot, and the child afterwards was laying in the street bleeding and bruised. After seeing the child was hit, Garrett and the pastors at Crossroads ran to the abuser and made sure he was okay and passed by the child. Then ran to their congregation and made sure that they were okay. Then left the child bleeding and bruised in the street and never ever spoke to the child or the child's family. That is exactly how me and my family have felt. Every day for months I waited for them to notice me. They never did. God and His faithfulness saved me from that street regardless of what the pastors did. Still, they should have ran to care for me.
“If you believe you have additional information that would be relevant to this issue, we encourage you to reach out.” They cannot reach out with information if they don’t know what the church is talking about.
After this letter was sent to the congregation and Ross was fired, I was glad he was no longer in a pastoral position, but sad that Crossroads had not reached out to me. A friend and witness called me while I was still in church on Sunday, October 3rd. She told me that she had just received a phone call from a friend and member at Crossroads. She had just left Crossroads after finding out about Ross being fired, and she said to my friend “Do you think someone is making something up about him? I just don’t see how he could do anything wrong.” Immediately, I felt shocked once again that after an entire investigation had taken place, and his best friends firing him, that people would still doubt the truth. However, this is often what happens and it is tragic. People don't want to believe that someone they trusted would do something like this. I get it. It's very hard to come to terms with. Still, we often deceive ourselves out of truth because it's not what we want to hear. I had nothing to gain from this other than peace in my life from being obedient to God and placing the truth in the light and that light bringing healing. I have had to go through so much more pain and grief in coming forward. I have been picked and torn apart by so many. I have been slandered. I watched victims being torn to shreds before ever coming forward and knew it would happen to me too, sadly even by "christians" themselves. This is not easy or something people decide to do on a whim. It is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Still, it was worth every tear and every bit of grief. This is so much bigger than me. This is for other victims of abuse and out of love for God and His church. I am coming forward out of a desire to see change, and as a plea for things to change, in the response of people and the church to victims of abuse.
The following week after he was fired, I received a phone call from an investigator from the LCSO. This was a week and a half after the Captain told me "he would have an investigator contact me tomorrow." The investigator told me my letter had just been put on his desk that morning and that he had no knowledge of it being there before. He seemed shocked and said he did not know that Crossroads had been there a month before and also said that he did not know about my conversation with the Captain. When I told him about the way I was spoken to by the Captain, he seemed to empathize with me, and apologized to me for the way I was treated so far by the LCSO. He assured me that he was taking this very seriously and believed me, and that he had just finished reading my letter. He also said that there was a case number now from the day Crossroads went to the LCSO. The Captain very clearly told me that there was no case number or report. All of a sudden, now there is a case number a week and a half after my conversation with the Captain about filing my own report? This was so strange and felt very odd. It felt like they were trying to cover their previous tracks. That was not there before, and all of sudden there is now a case number from September 3rd, and they are taking me seriously? This detective was very kind and fully supportive of me. He said he was completely unaware of everything that had taken place at the LCSO before speaking with me, and said he was shocked. I informed the detective that the VPD was currently investigating my letter with a list of 11 witnesses and phone numbers who were all willing to cooperate and give their testimony of what they had witnessed and knew themselves. I told him I went to the VPD because after talking with the Captain, and everything that had happened with the LCSO so far, I didn't feel safe there. He apologized, and He told me that the detective investigating this at the VPD was wonderful and that he would be reaching out to her to see what jurisdiction this case wold be under. I told him about Ross’s firing and about what that church member had stated to my friend that day when she said "Do you think someone is making stuff up about him?" His exact words to me were “Ugh, they always say this. They say “Oh no, our precious little Ross would never…” and he said that most of the time the accusations about people like him are true. He and the VPD detective were both worried that there might be other victims. Especially due to the fact that he got away with what he did to me the first time. They, and other experts I have spoken to, were worried he could have grown more bold afterwards. They both assured me that filing a report was the right thing to do, and that even though it was so painful for me to do, they said that report was crucial and important for the possible other victims. He ended up speaking to the VPD and they VPD took over the case.
Week after week went by in October and I still had not heard anything from Crossroads. I received a call from the VPD detective. She informed me that her and the DA for Valdosta both tried to do everything they could to try to arrest and prosecute him. She said that they fully believed what happened to me, and that Ross was very good at being calculated. She tried to arrest him on child molestation and battery charges, but he had barely weaseled his way out of it with how the laws are written. It is extremely hard, in GA law specifically, to prosecute sex crimes. It is especially hard if a victim has waited for any period of time. The laws involved with sex crimes do not go well with children who have been abused and the amount of time they need to psychologically understand what happened to them before coming forward about their abuse. Unless someone can see it and come forward with it while it is happening, it is so hard to prosecute. The proof one needs to have is very specific, but she encouraged me by saying that just because she can't arrest him doesn't mean what he did wasn't evil. She said “I don’t want you to think that he’s won. He hasn’t. You did the right thing by filing a report, and if any other victims ever come forward, your report will help tremendously. What he did to you was sick and disgusting and he has not won. We believe you.” She also said she had heard different things from people in response to Ross being fired. She said that some saw his creepy behavior with the youth students, and I have heard from others as well that saw those same red flags. They thought that what he did sometimes was strange, but then dismissed the red flags because they felt like his personality was just like a kid's personality. I tearfully thanked her for everything. The investigation was closed.
The lawyer from Crossroads did speak with Boz later on after Ross was fired, but we heard nothing from Crossroads. The conversation he had with Boz was good. We thought, at the time, that the lawyer finally began to see the reality of what could have been different, and that was hopeful. As I continued to hear nothing from the church, I began to grieve their response even more. I spoke to Boz and he said that there was absolutely no reason for it. There was no legal reason and no other good reason. I now know this was out of legal advice from their lawyer to them, which was something that he never mentioned to Boz when they spoke. He advised them not to speak with me. Sadly, even through that advice that they believed to be good, they chose to ignore me and had failed in their response to me, especially as christians. Biblical will always trump legal. I finally asked Boz to reach out to them and even though he told me I should never have to chase a church to care for me, I wanted to reach out to them because I truly wanted reconciliation. He decided to go through their lawyer. Their lawyer said he would see what he could find out. Again, we found out later on that he was actually the one telling them not to talk to us. Why would he pretend to not know why Crossroads wasn't speaking with us? That was so shady. A couple of weeks go by and we still heard nothing. Boz sent the following email:
“I hope this note finds you well. It has now been at least a couple of weeks since we spoke and as of tonight neither myself nor my clients have heard anything from anyone at Crossroads Baptist. Are we to assume from this deafening silence that they have no intention of reaching out to my clients?”
Finally, a week and a half later on November 5th, their lawyer sent a letter from Garrett and Mark addressed to me. It was as follows:
“ Dear Kayla, Thank you for reaching out to us and sharing your story. We were heartbroken to hear how your experiences with Ross has affected you. We hope that as we describe the process we took to hold Ross accountable for his actions that you can find some level of peace and healing in the midst of a very difficult situation. Upon reading your letter, we brought Ross in and spoke with him about the specific instances you described. He denied everything, but we did not take him at his word. We provided your letter to our local sheriff’s office to determine whether criminal conduct had occurred, and we hired a lawyer to help us fully understand the situation and ultimately guide us through the accountability process for a pastor. Because your letter was specific, we were able to identify several instances where Ross’ conduct was clearly improper. On Thursday, September 30, we notified Ross that he would no longer be employed by Crossroads. On Sunday, October 3, we announced to the church that he was no longer employed at our church. Further, we initiated an ongoing process through which others who may have been adversely affected by his behavior will feel safe to come forward. We know that sharing your experiences with us was very painful, but we are thankful that you had the courage to come to us! We grieve with you, but we also want to make sure that others who could have been similarly affected can come to us as well. Please know that if we are contacted by any potential employers, we will properly disclose to them the reasons for Ross’ dismissal. If there is additional information you would like us to consider, or if there is some way that we may assist you, please do be in touch. We are sincerely sorry for the distress that Ross’ actions caused you. We hope that our holding him accountable and providing a process for others to safely come forward will help you find peace and healing. God bless you.”
2 months after sending the letter, 1 month after Ross was fired, weeks and multiple emails from my lawyer for a response later…we finally received something. I say “something” because we were all disappointed. It wasn’t experiences, it was abuse. He was held accountable by being fired, but not by giving pertinent information to the congregation. An investigation did take place, but not the one we deserved. Also, the way this is so professional saddens me. The investigations were over. We are brother and sisters in the Lord, and we are all part of the same body. If one is wounded, we are all wounded. We should all be pursuing healing together. I don’t understand why it has been so hard for them to care for me and love me.
The evil that Ross did to me should have never happened, but what happened to me the past six months was extremely hard as well. I understand how devastating it is for a beloved pastor to be exposed as a predator. It is gut wrenching and excruciating. However, 98% of abuse allegations in the church are true, and out of those 98%, many victims are failed over and over again by the church abandoning them. I have been shocked and devastated by the lack of response I received since coming forward. I expected Ross to lie, however I prayed for him to tell the truth, acknowledge what he did, repent, and change. I did not expect to be unspoken to by the church and for them to downplay what happened. I understand now that it was due to the bad legal advice they received, but again...biblical is more important than legal. Biblically, we should run towards victims of abuse, not ignore them.
Over the summer, I painstakingly relived what happened to me and wrote my story. For the past 10 years, I was terrified of the truth. I stayed intimidated by my abuser after he told me multiple times that I needed to stay silent. I carried the weight of what he did as he convinced me into believing that if I told the truth no one would believe me and I would only cause harm. As an adult, I now know that none of this pain was caused by me. He created it fifteen years ago when he chose to start grooming me as a child. It took deep and brutal honesty with myself first to even begin to unravel the psychological abuse that happened to me as a teenager. I cared for him. I trusted him, and I tried to remember him as that person who said he loved and cared for me as a mentor instead of remembering the long hugs of touching and kisses on my cheeks for thirty minutes at a time in secret driveway hangouts…or the night he put his erect penis on me and said he wished I was his wife.
I didn’t want to remember those memories. I didn’t want to believe them. I coped by burying the trauma. I blamed myself for what he did, and there were days I wanted to die to escape the memory of it all. I told that teenage girl in the back of my mind and heart that she should have known—she should have seen or done more. I blamed her for what he did. I told her she was dirty and deserved to be dirty. I kept burying the abuse when he came to mind hoping to forget, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t. A few closest to me have carried this burden with me for years, waiting and loving me no matter where I was in the process of grieving this trauma.
In 2021, I started tiptoeing into sharing what happened with mentors, pastors, more friends, and more family. Afterwards, I began to really know internally that I could not keep this a secret any longer. The process of accepting that reality, even though I knew going forward was the right thing to do, tortured me. I didn’t want to hurt anyone. I grieved for his family. I grieved for his friends—our friends. He mentored some of my mentors…and I didn’t know how to do this. I was scared. I struggled with blaming myself, and it doesn’t help encourage victims to come forward when the public blames them too. However, the reality is that I never should have been abused in the first place and the question is not “Why did she wait to come forward?”… Victims do their best to cope with trauma and the process of coping is not a “one size fits all.” It takes a simple google search, reading from experts, and/or talking to victims to understand the complexity of why victims don’t come forward right after abuse. Read the professional studies, talk and listen to victims, understand that a minor/child who was groomed trusts and loves their abuser, and their brains aren’t developed enough to understand the abuse. It takes years for victims of abuse to unravel the psychological conditions they were put in by someone they trusted. Many never come forward at all because the pain caused by it is almost unbearable from the world and even in the church. The question should be—why did this pastor abuse, lie about his abuse, slander his victim and many others, not tell the truth to his wife and the church, and step down himself? I didn’t hurt or betray anyone, and I should not have to be saying any of this. I should not have been given this trauma.
Let me be clear—I love the church. It was out of love and obedience to God that I came forward with the truth—knowing the pain it would bring. It is out of love that I am coming forward now to expose darkness. Ross claims to be light, but has no repentance and has chosen to stay in the dark. That was not my prayer or hope. I was once in the dark. I believe in the power of God’s restoration even in the most heinous of crimes. God restored me in mine, but how can there be restoration without repentance?
I want victims to know that they matter and their voices are allowed to be heard if they want them to be. I want the church to care for victims, and if you are in the church and you do care for them, then I thank you. If your first thought is to sympathize with abusive pastors and the church “establishment” before empathizing with victims, then I would ask for you to hear me and try to understand what needs to change. Jesus had the most empowering things to say about women and children. He also had some of the most harsh and severe things to say about those who hurt them and pastors who abuse their flock. Jesus ran to the vulnerable and oppressed. He didn’t ignore them, and sweep them under the rug.
However, instead of the church responding to victims “to bind up and heal their wounds” they often respond with the adult equivalent of “Thanks for sharing!” Even though it has been excruciating for all of us, truth is a necessary part of love. I can’t control what people do with the truth, but I can expose it…and I will continue to advocate for victims of abuse in the church. According to sexual abuse experts, 1 in 3 girls and 1 in 6 boys have been abused as children. 1 in 4 women and 1 in 6 men will be sexually assaulted at some point in their lifetime. Women 16 to 19 years old have the highest rate of sexual victimization of any age group, according to the Bureau of Justice. Many of them have never felt safe to share, and it is because they are not believed or cared for, to the extent that they should be, by the powers that be.
When Ross told me in 2015 that he told his wife and her only, and not to tell anyone else, I believed him. However, in the past few years of seeing this through an adult perspective, I began to believe that to be a lie. I thought if she didn’t know already that she deserved to, and after being told by multiple pastors last year that the church definitely needed to know, I started coming to terms with needing to go forward. I have never once heard from Ross since coming forward except for a message I received from his wife in November trying to threaten and intimidate me. That was like taking a bullet. Weighing the cost of coming forward was extremely heavy, and I knew there would be more grief and pain ahead before I could get to the healing. I had to weigh the slander I would probably be put through by Ross, the possibility of not being loved by the church the way I should be, and also by people I call friends. However, even after all the new grief and the wrongful responses I received, I would not change it. I had hoped he would tell the truth and prove me wrong, but he didn’t. That told me enough about him and the darkness he is in. It only fueled my need to come forward for possible other victims even more. I had already forgiven him before coming forward, and wanted this to stay between the pastors and congregation at Crossroads, my family, and his family and for him to have repentance. He chose differently, and the church chose differently by keeping pertinent details a secret.
I know that this is excruciatingly painful. It is painful for me, my family, Ross's family, and the church. Many often place the church and the abuser first on their list of concern. Those who sympathize with church preservation or “PR” first, the abuser second, and the victim last, have their biblical priorities completely backwards. Even though this conversation is painful, I believe in the power of the truth and the truth being in the light. Only then can we expose darkness, change, and heal. Ross Cook groomed, spiritually abused, psychologically abused, and sexually victimized me. He should never be able to hurt another girl again. What concerns me the most is that he has claimed to know and love Jesus…all the while he is lying and slandering me in the same breath.
Grooming is complex…if you don’t know what it is or the signs of it, especially if it involves a child in their formative years, it is extremely hard to see and believe while most of it is happening. Especially if the abuser is someone who is a pastor, trusted, and loved by many. People who groom and abuse children are some of the most deceptive people on earth. Often, they're extremely good at manipulation and calculating their secret intentions. Most of the relationship is built on years of gaining trust, love, and adoration first. They start by making their victim feel loved, seen, getting to know them and their suffering, their family, and creating little secrets. For me, it started with texting and phone conversations, as well as asking for sexual details about me and my relationships. After a time, he wanted to see me more in person outside of church events…such as running church errands together, asking to come see me or to come see him, and late night hangouts in my driveway while he told me not to tell anyone because “he wasn’t supposed to be doing that with me.” He’s saying this while he is also telling me how much he loved and cared for me and that he “felt called to disciple me” so I didn’t want to hurt him or get him in trouble when I felt uncomfortable. I trusted him completely while he crossed one tiny line after another mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically.
I know and believe God is able to restore, but how can there be healing if we don’t acknowledge the wounds? Yes, God’s love and grace has no bounds, but we cannot use his grace as a means to excuse sin, not call out abuse, not set appropriate boundaries for abusers by publicly putting them on record for their abuse and their sexual victimization. That, by extension, hurts all victims of abuse in the church. That is a cheap version of grace, and the grace of Jesus was not cheap. He bore the biggest death and torture for that grace. His grace should be the force that empowers us to repent and become more and more like Him.
This conversation is important. This is happening everywhere in the world and in the church. How does anyone, especially the church—the people of God—often ignore, dismiss, blame, deflect, diminish, downplay, disrespect, gaslight, discredit, demean, and belittle victims of abuse when they come forward?
How can we say to them— “It’s just a he said/she said situation.” or “Why did she wait so long to come forward? That must mean she’s not telling the truth.” Or “Do you think someone is making stuff up about him? I just don’t think he could ever do anything wrong.” When someone is found to have committed a crime ten years prior, but it's past the statute of limitations, does that mean the crime did not take place before Christ? When someone commits fraud and gets outed tens years later by the person they stole from, do you say “Oh, why are these people coming out of the woodwork now? Just let them live their life in peace. They’re going to ruin their lives.” Or when a murderer is hiding in plain sight, and gets found out 10 years after they killed someone, do you feel bad for them and say "Oh, just let them live their life." No, you don't. Why is sexual victimization, of a child no less, a double standard?
Finally, if you are a victim of abuse, you matter. Jesus is angry over the abuse that happened to you, and he will never abandon you. He will have justice. If you choose to stay silent, let it be by your own choice. You should never feel intimidated into being silent. Do not let the failure of people represent who Jesus is. He is not like those in the "church" who judge, gossip about, and blame victims. He cares for you. If you are one of the people who are fighting this wrongful treatment, I say this to you: keep being a Nathan speaking to the badly behaving Davids. Truth matters. Justice matters. Grace matters, too. They all do—in balance with one another. You are loved.